If I Could Eat This Blog, I Would

 

 

Today, I am about as crabby and bitchy as I could be. Like, if PMS mated with a crazy zombie and had a crazy PMS-enraged zombie baby, that’s how bitchy I am right now. I barely made it through the work day without inflicting bodily harm on anyone. Why so bitchy, you ask? Well, I have been barely eating for the last few days and limiting my fluid intake, while upping my cardio, in order to shed as much water weight as possible in order to win the Biggest Loser contest on Wednesday. I have 1.5 days left. **Warning** If I do not win this contest at my office, I may possibly get violent with the jackass guy whose plan all along was to dehydrate himself drastically in the days before and beat me at the end through total water weight alone. He’s already done this once in another session of this stupid contest before I worked here. So, if he does this again and comes from behind to beat me after I’ve head the lead almost the whole time AND after I current have a 9% lead on him, I am going to go Kung-Fu Panda on his ass. I don’t even know what that means because I never saw that movie, but if that 300-pound beast thinks I can’t inflict pain on him, he is seriously underestimating the power and determination of a hungry, bitchy woman.  



Before anyone tells me that my strategy isn’t a good one, and that water weight doesn’t stay off, let me assure you – I know this. I have lost just shy of 15 pounds at this point; anything over that I know will be water weight. However, if the guys are going to play that game to win $740, then I am too. So, I just have to tough it out. But that doesn’t mean that I have to like it.   

To distract myself from the gnawing (I HATE words with silent Gs; silent Gs are so stupid) hunger and thirst and burning pain in my quads from doing more cardio this week than I enjoy doing in a year, I am spending the evening blogging and watching season premieres on TV. I’m looking forward to How I Met Your Mother (but I swear are they EVER going to get to the WHERE HE ACTUALLY MEETS HEIR MOTHER??) and Castle, even though Beckett was shot in the finale and we are led to believe she’s going to die. To the writers I say, really? The television viewing public is not THAT stupid. I highly doubt the hot female lead that every plot revolves around will get killed off. So, although I am looking forward to the show because I have no life and I am bitchy and need to be distracted, I haven’t been losing sleep about old Kate Beckett’s demise on the show. 

I’m also trying to find a good Halloween costume online. I am going to a Halloween party this year with a friend (a fundraiser that is held every year and supposedly a blast) and I want to have a good costume. The problem is that I enjoy costumes with a little substance. I don’t to be one of 10 “sexy cops” or 100 “sexy [insert ANYTHING here]. Not to mention that after looking online at the costume offerings, those “sexy” costumes look like they’d barely cover my ass, which we’ve already established as NOT SMALL. (Although I did look at the measurement guide and according to that I could fit into the costumes. I’m just not sure if I want to.)  At the moment, though, I am drawing a blank on ideas, probably because my brain is slowly atrophying from the lack of nutrients. Any suggestions? I don’t like scary or ugly. Help me. I beg of you.