A Reason for Everything

I have several random thoughts I'd like to get out of the way first, and then we are going to tackle something I think about often. No, not George Clooney and I being the last two people on Earth and having to mate or else risk extinction of the human race. Although, that crosses my mind occasionally. No, what I'd like to ruminate on is that there is a purpose, a reason, for everything that happens in life.

But first things first.

1. To anyone who didn't experience the bootie (booty?) shoe (boot?) trend in the mid-90's, I'd like to just take a  moment and explain why you should pass on this footwear option in 2011. As someone who owned not one, but three pairs of these "booties" in high school, the big issue here is that they don't really satisfy any category, thereby leaving you wanting more. They are more than a shoe but leave a lot to be desired in the boot department. I feel like I need to impart my wisdom and fashion sense on someone and the cats don't wear shoes often, so I'm telling you - YOU - instead. Buy some boots.
Or, purchase some shoes. Pass on the booties.

2. Why is there a show called Wipeout First Date Edition? Is dating not hard enough, cruel television executives? Why must you add wet suits, helmets and obstacles coated in strange and probably toxic foam cushioning to the mix? Why? Because after seeing me in a wet suit and helmet getting my ass knocked into a pool after slipping off a weird turning machine, some guy is going to want to then go out with me again? See, I just don't think anyone put a lot of thought into this one. Why am I not consulted on stuff like this? I have a blog. I have SIX followers. I know stuff. Consult me!

3. Um, I think that's all I really wanted to rant about. On to "Everything Has a Reason" otherwise titled...

Everything Better F-ing Happen For a Reason or I Am Going to Be Really Pissed In The End

Haha. That was joke. I really do think everything happens for a reason. It has taken me a LONG time to realize and accept this but I do now. For instance, I do a lot of bitching on this here bloggy blog. I complain about my weight, about living in cowtown, about living with my parental units, about being single (geez, I DO complain a lot - why is anyone reading this shit?) But, really I am mocking life situations in a self-deprecating manner. That's totally different than complaining. Because I'm actually not complaining. My life is pretty good. Of course I want to change some things, but what's great is I can identify these things and make those changes happen. I am ready to move ahead. I feel good. I embrace all of my life experiences because it has made me into the person I am today. A bitter, self-deprecating cat lady, you ask? NO! A grateful and humble person who appreciates the everyday beauty in life, who has amazing friends and family, who wants to be healthy inside and outside for the right reasons -- a person who is embracing all of the potential and possibilities of the future.

It was not always so.

I spent years 16 - 30something living my life for the men I dated. I didn't realize it at the time, although I know my mother did. (Because my mother knows everything, blah blah blah.) I didn't develop my own sense of self, cultivate my strengths or most importantly, embrace my weaknesses. I thought that my boyfriend would complete me. We'd get married, we'd have kids, I'd make Jello Jigglers as a PTA mom and - welll, that is about as far as I got in my life scenario.

Since I'm single and the only thing jiggling in my life are my thighs, you have probably figured out that the above life plan did not come to fruition for me. Blame it on whatever you want - I have terrible taste in men (I usually pick 'em needy and helpless), I messed up things when they were good, I just didn't meet the right person. Regardless, I am still single.



This can't be true? Can it?



When I was 25, I moved to Colorado to begin a new chapter in my life with someone that I thought was "The One." I thought we'd get married. I thought this because he told me that we would, so I didn't just dream this shit up. I was as wrong about that as I was about wearing those booty shoes in 1992. We broke up after three years.

But, guess what? I am so happy I moved to Colorado. I am so happy that we broke up. If we hadn't broken up, I'd be divorced right now. If I hadn't moved to Colorado, many things wouldn't have occurred that have made me the person I am today.

I wouldn't have meet amazing people who will remain lifelong friends. These people were and are my lifelines. These are women and men who helped me move, brought me Gatorade when I was sick, invited me to holidays, let me be godmom to their kids, spent hours talking, laughing, drinking, knitting, et al, with me. I am forever changed for the better by the friends I made in Colorado and I would have never met these wonderful humans if I hadn't dated Mr. Colorado. Going a step further - what wonderful and awesome people have I met and reconnected with since moving back? And, who is still out there just waiting to be my friend?? :)

I wouldn't have Rocky and Gus Gus if I hadn't moved to Colorado. These two furry munchkins are my little buddies. They keep me company when I am alone, lay next to me when I am sad, and greet me when I come home. Say what you will about me finding other cats that I'd love just as much, but these two cats are my babies and I can't imagine having any other animal children.

I would not have my current job if I hadn't moved to Colorado. The skill set I developed and the confidence I gained while working for the bank in Denver in community relations and marketing, not to mention my networking skills that I picked up there, helped me land this job. (Holy Run-On Sentence, Batman.) Not only that, but taking the There Is A Reason For Everything theme to another level, if I hadn't worked as a brokerage assistant briefly before moving to Colorado, I wouldn't have known my former boss, who hired me to edit his book when I returned back to MD last year. If I hadn't been editing the book, I wouldn't have met my collaborator, who runs an investment publishing company and who decided he liked me and hired me as a marketing manager. And, I love my job now. I feel confident and fulfilled in my job. There is room for growth. There are challenges. I feel motivated. All because I worked for the bank. In Colorado.

If I had not dated Misters A, M, R, T, R (again), L, P, E, A2, Mr. Colorado, M, and M2... I would not be the person I am today. Every single person I have had a relationship with has taught me a lesson. Mr. P taught me how to make a killer eggplant parmesan. He also taught me that I will never again accept being verbally abused. Several of the intellectually-challenged ones taught me that I need a partner who is smart. Someone that keeps me engaged. From Mr. Colorado I learned that I need someone social, who likes to be out and about, who wants to meet and hang out with my friends. I realized that I needed someone with a sense of humor after dating Mr.T who was hot, but who didn't make me laugh. And, ALL of them taught me that I don't need to change myself to fit their definition of what they wanted in a woman. The last guy, Mr. M, didn't understand why I ended things immediately after he said that my hair length was a mutual decision between me and him, and why I was bothered when he kept asking me to change certain parts of myself just a smidge. And, I'm not talking about him wanting me to stop smoking crack in an alley. Cuz I don't. Smoke crack. In an alley, at least. (KIDDING...)

But, after YEARS of on-the-job experience, I finally have learned that I do not need to change for anyone. I am good enough, just as I am.

I guess my point of this rather wordy post is that, all jokes and kidding aside about my cat-hair infested life in my parents' basement, I am okay. I am worthy. I am happy. I am working on getting happier. It is not too late for anything. One day, someone is going to love me for me, for all of me. That person will love me for my tendency to over-share, for my love of sparkles and glitter, for my sometimes witty, sometimes annoying, banter. I will be loved for my over-sensitivity, for my bleeding heart, and for my tendency to talk to animals and inanimate objects, as well as for my stubborn streak, my distaste for early mornings, and the fact that I turn into a grump when I am tired. Someone is going to want to go out for my favorite meal (brunch), will want to spend Sundays reading the paper and drinking coffee with me, and will accept that I only like sports when there is beer involved. 



There is a man out there who will love me so much that he will indeed say this. True story.

 

I'm thankful everything has happened in my life exactly the way it has because all of the experiences, all of those pieces of my heart that I gave out and never got back, all of the days when I didn't feel good enough or the years when I didn't know what I wanted to do for my career --- those were all teaching me to love myself as I am and have confidence in my abilities. It took me awhile but I finally get it. Before I could be loved by anyone else, I needed to learn to love myself. 

There IS a reason for everything. We just have to embrace it.